Daydreamer

Scout of the World Discovery Workshop

2009-10-21T04:59:00.000-07:00

The new faces i meet =)
The new experiences i never had in SG
and finally, the new scouting feel i felt =)

I guess is really worth it ... especially for a 100 bucks..
I learn many things from them. Especially cheers and song .. ( some forgotten alrdy thou)
Some info... those overseas scouts are blangadash rovers & maldives scouters ... not sure whether i spelled it correctly thou ... surprisingly alot of them are like 20+ old O.o. They spent the 2 full days with us learning and playing ... cool huh

Next trip will be in India on DEC ... but but but ...

is $250 for 15 days ... not enough money
is 15 days of my school .. more excuse letters
is within my exam period ... so sway
is within my holiday trip to korea ... WTF

dammit, now i gonna miss this trip unless the organizer change his date ... if not, is a no go for me man !!!

Shack !

2009-10-05T05:13:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend ~ Scout Scout Scout Scout Scout and more scouts ...

Will not update now cos too tired but just wanna say something in my mind. I may be ignorant over some thing and i try to be friendly and bear no grudges with u.

But sometimes, you are really a bitch. Seriously, i need to wake up to see who i can actually trust.

Good news

2009-09-30T08:58:00.001-07:00

Here is a peak on the FYP i have been focusing on for the past few months.

Above the is fuselage and below is the wing ... ( FREAKING LONG SIA)

Amazing, even thou our craftsmanship was so bad, the plan still turn out quite nice... I even had the time to do a proto type for myself, all in 4 days ... =D like alex said, it is freaking addictive once you start out doing these kinda stuff...

Some very VERY good news :

Finally pass the DL, like thank god it over .... now it left with my father's test ... (aka, the fuel efficiency test. )
Got the award .. =) Friday will be the day ... hope it will help in my uni applications. Otherwise, it will be a totally useless thing ... wander if they got the badge kind to sew on instead O.o .

However, some bad new thou:

GPA drop ... >.<>
Freaking no motivation to do my work .. not even scouts now la, like the motivation is not there.

Yup that's about it ... I am so gear up for this coming weekends... got to go some akela lantern festival ~ could be fun, too bad no rovers happen to accompany me ... ahh wadever, i am a total loner now ..

Maybe after that i will drop by survival camp to join them ?? who knows depends who is going and depends on my mood ?? haha (Yea, they dun need me there... just a person taking space anyways)

okie, Friday will show the good new photo if my dad happen to take it .. =) like i say, is really an achievement ever since losing the chance of getting the PSA (zzz .. bad memories, haha)

See ya

Refreshed ??

2009-09-13T07:28:00.000-07:00

Yup !!
After a long night out, my first time clubbing was "can" say a blast!!

For a first timer, experience quiet alot of stuff, jurrel and gang plus gab and YX. Random but yea ~ no regrets.

Can say i am pretty timid over this kind of stuff, still wanna be the quiet and nice guy around ? =x, thanks for jurrel and gab guidence. I also thought that this clubbing thing is really for those who can dance ... till i got there i know what it mean.. Many will do the moves of shuffle or tech something, but if u dunno ... just get high and shake it out =) which i really get to do after a drink.

At that point of time, i wasn't really interested in looking nor grinding gals. I just wanna release all my stress and go high (but not extreme) to freshen up myself. Kinda last for an hour or so before it started to get boring. Will be great if a grp of friends come and dance around, but if is just a few, i dun see the excitment, and yea - i am pretty stiff in dance, sometimes i just stop in the middle of the song cos i didn't high feeling for a period of time.. haha

Friend's Friends of mine got into a fight and were brought out while i was still inside finishing up my jug of volka coke. When i got out, we were banned to go back it. Oh well,my first clubing end with alot of things to see rather =)

Even now after i got out from bed, i am still thinking, "Was i dancing last night in the club ? " ZZZ Werid man !!!

But i cannot say that this will be my last =D

WHEE !!

2009-09-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

Exams are finally FINALLY over !!!

1 sem .. 9 papers .. GONE in 3 weeks, unbelieveable and i can just feel the excitement as i hand in the last dreaded paper on friday at 5 p.m. ...

Past few weeks was a nightmare, i even dream i had to resit a chinese exam ... popping panadols in my mouth like non-stop just to get rid of the spinning headaches, and worst of all, every after paper, while comparing answer with friends, the feeling of you get some question wrong was like shit... it was like " FUCK, WRONG MEH ?? "and then after that is emo session ...

BUT EVERYTHING IS OFFICALLY OVER... 1 more sem to go for my little piece of diploma cert...
However, i still worried about my result, i just know i now those people below average grades, if like impossible to hit to NUS, now maybe NTU is a worrying thing for me as well. Next question is local or overseas ... i just dunno what choice to make or rather do i even have a choice .... zzz

~sigh .. As for the holidays ..

dunno what to do ... other than FYP, is like i have nothing else in schedule, i kept think of things to do during the past few days while slacking off in KL.. only scout stuff comes to my mind ... ZZz great how lousy life i have ...

Anyway, i manage to draw a few list of things to do:

Part time job (somewhere decent for once .. =.=)
Model District Pioneering Competition ( deadline coming up !! )
Spring cleaning at home ( renovate =x)
NRC minutes and stuff ( usual chores)
Finsh up DL ( sian )
FYL ... ( even more sian )
REDO MY LITTLE POND OUTSIDE ( still thinking , any ideas )
Train up for Nafa ( wanna slim down to 66KG)
Cub Scout Handbook ?? (still thinking of doing it up, kinda motivated when i saw my old scout manual book)
My Next year scout planout (cos this year is abit screw up)
GET A FREAKING NICE AJAX FC JERSEY ( determind !!! )

yup yup yup !! It took my 2 day to clear my head to do all these during the school holidays !

Before i end, i just wanna say a few things :

If u dun want, quit ... If you dun bother, fuck off ... If you dun like, just say ... No one is forcing you, No one need to enduring you shitty behaviour ...

A period where brain cells die...

2009-08-23T10:49:00.000-07:00

Argh !!

5 papers down ..... but 4 more papers to go ...
Who in the freaking world will have so many papers in a sem exam ... (my friend has 11 papers thou , siao one ...)
Is a torture, worst thing is that SP is freaking lousy in planning ... we got 2-3 weeks and they go and plan 2 paper in the same day.. (1/2 hr break in between) ... ZZZ

MST 3 paper in 1 day cos only got 1 week ... NOW !! WTF sia ...

BTW, the 5 papers were a torture, i tried so hard and yet the paper just keeps getting harder nd harder ... Questions that i want them to come out never did ... those unexpected ones did and usually i turn to a friend to "clarify stuff" wahha ... ... but this sem is almost going to be a screw up for me .. hope me GPA wouldn't drop .... >.<
.
..
...
....
...
..
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Anyways, after a good chat with someone, i feel so much better... still can smile ba. Dunno, but the chat was very random ... and i like ... haha. ..(dun get the wrong idea, is just CHAT RANDOMLY)

However, after that chat .. i dun believe my timing was that bad in freestyle swimming , so i try out on friday after my paper.. and the results are OMG.. I SUCK BIG TIME ..

An average fast sprint mine = 40 secs (taking a mean of 4 trys)
Best timing of mine = 39 secs
"her timing" = 38 secs ..
"her timing last time" = 32 secs ...

Wahh , a proof that i suck >.<
A good reason to start working out after the exam. Speaking of which, i stopped exercising for a while due to exam, although many will say thats no excuse, but i am not confident in the my studies ... so is --- more revision and more study time.

No worries .. after 4 sep ---> it is:
FYP , EXERCISE
MORE FYP & MORE EXERCISE

Lets see this sem holiday i can achieve anything...

Always look on the bright side of life ... =D

2009-08-19T03:54:00.000-07:00

It is a note to myself =D ... be happy no matter what.

Things are starting to turn i hope =)

1) I FOUND MY CALCULATOR IN MY FRIENDS BAG..
2) 2 papers downs ... still left 6 more to go =)
3) Sep is coming

Well, the very least is getting better ..
Won't want to emo much, will affect the mode of study.
I plan to stay away from all these emo stuff ASAP, and i really mean it ..Lol

Feelings

2009-08-09T23:33:00.000-07:00

Some things are best left unsaid.
Some works are best left unshown.
Some Fight are just not worth it.
Some feeling are best to be kept alone.

I will not say, show, fight.. cos i know is wrong for me.
I will kept everything a secret, like nothing has ever happen.
Even for means i suffer, i will never show that i am in pain.

Enjoy yourself while you still can.

09/08/09

2009-08-09T04:52:00.000-07:00

Happy National Day =)
ooo. 44th ~ wat a number ..

All this day i have been enjoying my time sleeping >.< , lazy to get up and start my brain ... Really in need of help, exams are like coming soon .. there is really no time to waste and yet i am still enjoying myself ... zzz . TOmORRow WILL OFFICALLY START STUDYING LIKE A NERD o.O.

I wanna be better than average and be better than those who look down on me..
I want those people to regret ... even if it means backstabbing others.
Yeah, i have a heart --- a cruel one =)

8/8/09

2009-08-08T22:11:00.000-07:00

This day ia about to end. I must say, it will be a silent and lonely one.

I started this day off studying at 12 midnight till morning in school, something i never even done before, some even asked whether i even have celebration with others... Ha, i am either a hated guy or a lonely one around that makes me that emo.

Nope, is just me, u , books and my family later,oh maybe those best friends of mine tomorrow. Every year, my wishes got simpler and simpler, even i have big desire and dream. i dun ask for that, all i ask was simple wishes. Last yr was a wish about love, and many things happen... sigh.

This year, i just want happyness in life, thats all, i am really tired or cludding up a corner and pour all my emotion on a wall when no one is there for me. i just ask to be happy this time round.

I hope that fucker above do soemthing for me the very least. Not that i am rude, but i have grown even more not to trust that god of mine nowadays.Thats all, let me enjoy the last few hour of my day =)

BTW: i sorrie, there are things i will never forget nor forgive. I am no asshole as well.

i know ... is an emo, selfish post of mine

Crazy and sudden

2009-08-06T05:27:00.000-07:00

So much emotion has come through me over the weeks. But that's life i guess, maybe that is a good proof that i still have a heart. Some ppl are just fuckers fucking around with their life, good thing i am not part of it.

Take for example, i got a Chinese/jap guy who couldn't care less abt his life. What is only around him is pubbing and woman... Thank god i never worked with him, if not he will screw up things just like my unfortanate classmates who suffer cos of him. What a jerk, why is he even in our class, totally an idoit. I want to name even more fukers but i guess i will be too much and too open..

Anyway, enought with that. more project are coming up =) keeps me working on. FYP is finally taking shape for the group. Exam are coming and i really REALLY hope this yr is the time to pull up my sock. 2nd yr was fucked up cos of stupid people and stupid things to waste on. This time, no distraction, no cb ppl... =D

Today was so sudden, half the class decided to skip last lecture and we all hit the threatres to catch G.I Joe .. imagine a bunch of guys are running from City hall to Marina Square just to get there in time. Really had fun, only thing is we hate to sit near the couple seats ... makes most of us emo ... >.< (dun ask why)haha.

Till den =)

2009-08-02T08:06:00.000-07:00

I abandon my blog for the past few weeks not knowing wat to really write about.
Reason is cos i have too much to say and yet too confidental to blog about.

Anyways, exams are drawing near again. i really cannot help to feel the pain in working hard again, i dunno what am i aiming for now in studies. Engineering or others .. Overseas or local. Decision this time is not made by my parents, but rather by myself.

Really a pain in the neck when i dunno what to do in my whole life. >.<

Green Light & Red light

2009-07-17T20:19:00.000-07:00

Red Light :

Fuking hell lots of work to do still
Come to know some stuff but i think my mind can take it.
NRC is getting more hard to understand
I am lagging behind so much

Green Light :

I hope to get that achievement
I think it is green to go and be inside the RC ..

hahah ... some notes and update that not all will understand

More to come

2009-06-29T10:21:00.000-07:00

Today, my first paper was totally screwed up. From Q1 - Q6 ...

I dun even know what am i studying or rather memorizing in the module. I was like ... BCC strucuture is .... FCC structure is .. WTF is BCC & FCC in the first place ??? No one can give me that answer. I totally give up.

Still got 6 more papers to go. >.< Is just MST week and i got 7 papers in 4 days. I heard some only had 2 or 1 paper... why my course got so many sia. I always think that i am regretting to join this course as i dun think i am those engineer kinda ppl who can really think and know the operation of machines and stuff. I am struggling very badly in my work alrdy, but even so i still dun have that will to study hard.

Not to mention that this course qualification drop like hell. No more exemptions in paper for airlines and so on ... Den WTF am i here for ?? i might as well drop to mechanical engineering and study wif better grades to get into the local uni. Isn't that like the easier route and way ??? why burn all the mid night oils and later as yrs to come all those knowledge goes to waste.

SERIOUSLY FUCKING CRAZY... ARGH !!! God, kill those lectures of mine will ya !! dun forget the director as well.

Experience through Motion~~

2009-06-23T05:36:00.001-07:00

After 24 hrs of rest and clearing my mind... i am now back to the real world or life.

For the past few days, i was having almost the fun time of my life. Although my expression doesn't tell but i am actually having fun.

It's not about camping itself, going back there is always a torture. But only this time, i am happier to work with my seniors once more. Being in the committte itself, i was able to see what the camp chief wants the camp to be like, and we were there to witness and make it happen. I was even more happier that many things end very well.

Being the 2nd IC itself was a blast, i actually like the fact that i get to oversee the progress of the program. Even thou i know i did not help in much, i really did my utmost best contribution to the camp. When it came to the campfire, i was exhausted, my head was running wild, i had to turn in early before i really faint.

Maybe it was because i know my part was done during that point of time. The cubs, the program, the challenge valley, the grand dinner... everything was done. That night i sleep with a headache but also with a relief in my mind.

The camp was the great wake up call in my mind. I finally saw how united can the fox be , i finally saw the greater side of the fox, i saw everyone was aiding each other in times in difficulty. I hope i can always be together with the group always.

At the same time, i am still unable to break the news to some about "other scout stuff". Still in the progress of thinking ...

BTW, congrats to shiddq, vincent and chun guan.

Emo mood

2009-06-14T06:56:00.000-07:00

This weekend was rather the worse one ...

I got lot of things to do but dunno where to even start ... i am not talk abt scout , but rather studies... ... no mood for it at all ! Usually holidays is much more like enjoy and relax, this term holiday is hell. Works and Project, never ending... i really am in a mental state of giving up >.<

Help me !!

Commit to all ?

2009-06-08T08:04:00.000-07:00

I am having alot of confussion...
There are seriously time i really do stupid things, this time i dunno.

Is it the worst mistake i ever made or is it the best opitonal ?

It started of as me being casted out from the group ... i decided to turn to others and work alone, i thought that decision was really made due to my emotion, which i understand it was totally wrong. But i "brainwashed" myself into think that it was right ...

Mixing wif others was great, but after learning about other things, i being to know the reason why sometime i wasn't given that chance to interact with others during the younger days. Maybe it was for my protection or rather for the protect of the whole.

After learning so much, from friends and senior. People whom i saw as enemies turned out to be the ones helping me instead and i didn't know that until now. I serious thought that it was really a bad decision of mine and i seriously screwed alot of things. Now, i am juggle alot in my hands and in time i know i will drop something important in my life.

However, since i took it up, i will uphold what i have taken up.. i dun wanna let anyone down, not even myself. I will push my limit in order to put back the piece from where they are. I am seriously determind to do it.

Night Safari

2009-06-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

2 Days Back ~

My 1st time ^^V for 18 yrs of my life, i only been to the zoo ... so is "enriching" for me to see animals in the night. i still can recall what i always think about night safari, i always thought it was much rather like u sit in a jeep and u venture out to this area where all the animals are. LOL

I dunno how i got the idea but after that day i understand... it is just like a zoo , only in the night. so yea it was a new thing for me... I am very happy that i tag along wif shddq and gang for that trip, was alrdy deciding to back out last min when i heard it was like ending at 11 plus p.m O.o but still, i manage to last and have fun .. lol

Group Photo ?

I was so sweaty and hell , it was my new shirt for the day =.= ,

Seriouly, i need a car to get me around soon >.<

PLTC!

2009-06-02T09:07:00.000-07:00

Annual camp that i started to attend since scout ... this is roughly my 3rd time and 3 times i am in different position.

1st was as a participant ~ getting fuk around
2nd was as a venture service ~ helping to fuk around
now 3rd time is as a rover ~ fuking around ...=)

It is much like a cycle in the scouting life ... But the motto is always the same " Shout like Thunder, Move like lightning ". This year i felt the population was like so small, it used to be freaking big and my time was close to 300 participant.. now is like 50+ ??. Guess is really stupid for HQ to start doing in district level ... if thats the way, all district will never have a common camp other than those NPC shit ...

Things run through my mind, i look at the tent of the boys sleeping in. I tried to think back ... was i like that ? Sleeping in a smelly tent and everyday we had to wake up for all the PT and running shit... somehow i forgotten that pain in living in such a condition. Now, even sleeping in a classroom is rather uncomfortable to me ... (losing the feel of camping sia).

Another was the freak attitude of the boys, last time it was respect , nowadays, the feel is different. They respect you at time when ur serious, and at time when ur not ... they will not. I understand fun is fun, but when we go into serious mood, i believe those smiles should be wiped off from ur face.

Oh well ~~ i will be still on to go annually as long as our ppl organize it. Next coming camp will be GRP Camp , hope it can be a success, i am looking forward into preparing the things for it..

Sudden Desire

2009-05-24T07:37:00.000-07:00

What if i someday decided to try out theses ??

Hmm really wanna try ~~

ZZZzzz

Get my Dri~~ licence first >.<

2009-05-23T05:59:00.001-07:00

This Place will not be updated untill i have the will to ~~ =D

STC 2009

2009-04-16T03:36:00.000-07:00

So long never been blogging abt the stuff going on around me, is either it is just too boring or too lazy to blog. oh well , Sixer's Training Camp was finally over , and it was over with a warm feeling in the heart.

Thou i was like the only person under fox to represent the committee and in which i undertook the major roles of the camp later, i felt it more like a challenge and a test on me and those who were around me in fact. I know that there wasn't any pressure from the leader's in the camp, but i know that people will compare with me running it than other ppl running it in the past, so the pressure was from me and in me.

The cubs from the different schools comes in like swarms and by the time they sit down, you can tell that they are very keen to know the purpose and the meaning of these whole camp. From that point, every since ben introduce me to them as their camp IC, i know they will take me as a role model throughout the whole camp, these also applies to the teachers with them and they will be judging my performance.

Other than the program, it recevie alot of held back due to weather mainly but somehow as a grp of the committe we manage to pull through these without letting the cubs or teacher's know that it was cock-up and so on ... it is alrdy a great achievement for me alrdy .

Whatsmore, to add in, i achieve things that the previous committee did not achieve:

Getting T-shirts for all cubs and committee in time with right sizes
Getting badges in time as well

When people commented the shirt was well done, i really felt that i was finally running a good camp with people loving it as well.

Haha, i can keep on going on abt these but all in all, the camp was a blast and a lesson for all even to myself. But 1 things i know is that the people who worked with me this time round are not even from my troops, even thou i made an unoffical message send out to see who can help out, many seems unkeen and uninterested.

Sometimes, i wander is it because i have not power or no image in them that i am not worth being help by. Other than those rover & scouter's like ... offered me their help even thou they are busy, i really thank them for that concern, but those people i know are far much more closer to me than scouting. Other than the rest, i have nothing to say.

My decision going to cubs was after all my own. I hope people will respect it cos i can bet u , it is just as tough as handle a troop of boys. I really am happy to work with the outside people other than my own people. Somehow it feel much more different and happier to me. Who knows, maybe staying in the cubs is not a bad idea after all. =)

That all for now... currently i just wish to go down to east coast beach to refeshen my mind for next sem and everything. Only thing is that ... i hope someone will accompany =)

Randomly emo again but lesser now

2009-03-29T09:09:00.000-07:00

Everyday was just another day to me.

Even during the holiday, i cannot find anything to do, thou i know i got at least 2-3 more week of rest. I still cannot please myself with anything great. I know one things for sure is that i have been rotting away at home and each day i just lay back and wait for the day the turn dark. And the whole process repeats itself again the very next day. This has really been going on for the past week every since i got back from fishing.

Other than scout or cubs that i must do, there really nothing else, it felt as if i have no more meaning or purpose in life. I had a very bad feeling that i can sense that my dream job chances are already shattered and I had alrdy lost the will to study every since i had come to know of the stupid system in my dipolma. I really feel that i had lost almost everything that i had plan. I really wish my heart to just die off now.

All i have to do now is just looking after my cubs and so on. The Sixer's Camp that will be prepare by HCI, i know something will screw-up but i just hope it can turn up well. Not cos who is planning, but rather who will be the one leading ... i know it usually will be me but den again, had i every led a good or rather a great camp before ? i know i screw up almost half of it in JW 09, i know that there are some ppl i cannot work wif back there, but i know something similar will happen in the coming Sixer's Camp as well. Least to say, i am both excited and dreadful and anxious of preparing this alone with the other 6 HCI female rovers.

But for now ...
I really wander, will there be a good future for myself ?
How i wish i can meet my maker to confirm my path ahead.

L~~~

2009-03-26T09:00:00.000-07:00

I am emo ~~~ =X

Is so hard to forget it ...
Cannot stop the resistance ...
Cannot even fight it at all ...
My will and mindsets cannot match up wif my emotions...

Thou i hate u so much ...
i still dream of the past ...
Those were the best .. and now they had become nightmares
I know is both loving and hating u at the same time ..
but is really ....

I will always put a brave front ..
that the only i can do ...
but i know it will not last ..
I rather not see or hear abt u ...
cos it will be much easier to forget .. for the both of us.

I just hope there is a way to this ..

JB and MAFT

2009-03-22T07:21:00.000-07:00

Recents events : JOBWEEK 09 & MALAYSIA FISHING TRIP =)

I notice my other post are very hateful and hurtful to myself =/ hope i dun do so for this one =)
Anyways Jobweek ... let other ppl do the talking in their post, is always the same for me ... only different roles and different people .. tats all. My mood for scouts has really drop and there is not a reason why i felt so .. =/ whatever it is , i just hope i can last the next year being happy in scouting...

Anyways, the recent malaysia trip was one of those things i never forget =) Fishing with sec sch buddy (thou not all) and wif my ex-teacher ...

Total of 3 days .. we caught 4 swordfishs , 3 baby barcoda , tons of those small chinese new yr fish and some odd looking fishing ( dunno the name but can eat for sure). Happy that i had many of the big catch and serious many were by luck ...

Sng and nick were the average .. while chong liang and i chong fishing for the last night ... really feels good when we were there , no advance tech there .... just me , you and the sea =) Route was simple ...

Fish - breakfast - fish - lunch - fish - dinner - fish - supper - fish - sleep - fish ..
and the process goes on and on and on .. =)

Other than that , we talked alot among ourselves. cos most of us are doing different stuff now
Sng and Nick are in NS
CL is slacking waiting to go RP
i am slacking waiting for my 3rd yr in SP
Ugene is still teaching in GSS as usual =)

We talk abt our course, future, work, and love life ... and private life

I know my life is almost screwed up ... but i know i can try to change it from now .. not just the love life side, but maybe everything that affect me all the time ..... i dun wanna be the guy to lose out to other ... nor the guy to be set as the average person .... i hope to be someone better and more .

Anyways , the trip has end but i still feel the breeze of the sea and still dream of the salty smell of the sea and fish ... hope there will be another =)

Life's a bitch

2009-03-09T09:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i just wander ... why must life be so hard ?

Dreams are hard to achieve
People are hard to impress
& not to mention
the time is never enough for 1 to recover ..

Seriously, i just wanna curse myself ...
"Hey Harold , go fuck urself "
You become a tool to others, you are considered ... "useless after this time"
Why have i become this way ??
And yea , some people love to make me feel worst and at times make me feel like crap, i wish i could backstab him/her at the back and laugh back ...

FUCK !!!!
I have become hateful to ppl and myself ... why ... ...
I lose my sense of life
My aim is still there but harder to reach
My emotion make me sway my judgement so badly....
I dunno what i've being doing or what am i going do next..
It feels like i am trying to just live 1 day at a time

Maybe right now all this is rubbish, for wat i know , i think i am having a problem wif my mind.

2009-03-04T07:01:00.000-08:00

Exams are over ..
I can finally daydream and sleep all i want ..
Still find jobs .. O.o

&&
Finally know my result for NVM .. It was 16 ++ min !!! close to 17 ..
LOL ... i gonna work hard for 2010 NVM soon ~

tata

Few more day

2009-02-02T07:57:00.000-08:00

Mood is very bad ...

Studies are last minute ...
Now i am really gonna hug the buddla's leg =/

Shall stop other activities other than studies ..

~~~~~~

BTW
5 more days ~

Depression

2009-01-26T08:07:00.000-08:00

CNY CNY =D the fun of getting the red packet and eating the goodies are back again ...
But ... this yr , it feels much more different.

Cousin's getting married or attached ...
Some even have a stable one
Some enjoying happiness and company

All i ask is ... will it be the same for me ?

Thou till now i cannot find a stable one
But even if i did , can i even support one ?
By the time we come to this age ...
Car , Career maybe even capital are within reach ....

In the past it was suppose to be luxury items ..
But now, i start to feel is a must to have it ...
But there is no way i can earn all by myself now ..

Cos of maybe the face?
Maybe to get her believing in u always ?
Making her trust u for her future ?

Thou there is one ..
but can she accept this ?
or is it too early or too late ?

I dunno how it goes ...
I wanna grow up soon ...
Just start life on my own ..

Impress the one i love
&
make my life to the fullest

CNY

2009-01-25T00:02:00.000-08:00

The most screwed thing abt the days before CNY is ~~~ SPRING CLEANING >.<

Crappy as hell .. =/
Had to clean the house which u never even saw before O.o
Best part is i swear i will not clean my room until ~~~
BUT I STILL HAVE TO CLEAN SIA !!!!

HAi... these few days i been very bored =<
Very few can entertain me like her ... HAha ^^V
Oh well ..

Anyways !
Venture's CNY dinner =D (awesome, near all was there)
Family Dinner 1 =/ okok)
Family Dinner 2 (terrible and expensive)
Family Dinner 3 (it gonna be good)

So many dinner for CNY,
Sadly, is gonna put alot of fats in my body ...
Find ways to slim down and gain the proper body mass .
Next challenge will be the Vertival Marathorn .. something really grear looking forward to it ...

Yup , by den when u read here ... u know i am
Happy
Happy
HAPPY
if u cannot tell ~ Zzzzz

Cos of many reasons =)
And i hope one is to come true soon ~~~~ wahaha ^^

PS: Today , i kinda unstable and crazy =x

1 sided love ?

2009-01-21T06:27:00.000-08:00

Far from it ?
Looking in between the thin lines ,
I figure the last message ,
Too much or too little ?
I still cannot get it ,

Are you playing wif me ?
Are you done ?
Cos i am still hating you up there ...

Carry on .. cos my mind is set long ago ever since u abondon me,
the happiness is alrdy gone inside,
what else more can this human shell be for u ?

Are you giving me a chance ?
or was it another prank ?
Are you really there ?
or am i all alone ?

Signed,
Loneseal

Last ~

2009-01-17T06:43:00.000-08:00

Today will mark the end of the venture meeting for my batch =D .. thou very few bothered to turn up , it felt great to step down and out of the red beret unit =P.

In the meeting, i gone into a mist of thinking alot.

why was i here ?
where do i start off now ?
will this marks the end of my outdoor career ?

For the last question, is really a thought, knowing where i am posted to ... i know i get very little chance to explore and camp outdoors more. However, i never regretted my post to club scout still =) ...

Why ? simple answer, i been through life as a boy scout in sec sch , a venture , now i wanna explore the club scout ... the life of theirs, i believe they are different from the the big boy in many ways. Scouting is no more just a fun or lifestyle to me anymore, is a thing that i wanna explore in and out of it. Understand it and love it =)

At first my very few reasons was to avoid some ppl , to persue NYAA and so on .. but i give a very good thought of wat i should do in there. This is my ans ...

As for now, i am happy to leave the ventures, cos i know i did my job to the very end .

Other stuff :

GETTING MORE AND MORE HAPPY =p AHHAHA !!!

Moment of Love

2009-01-14T08:05:00.000-08:00

ZZZ ... i was too hopeful =( .. oh well

Life isn't as simple as it is ...
You saw something or someone that attracts to u .
You promise to work hard
You change ur style
You change ur ways
You search abt it/him/her
You were too hopeful
You were too careless
&
You lose the chance ~
It was close but u still lose it ~
It/He/She is gone now ~

If only u were more quick ..
Maybe it possible ..
But for now
Just wait
and wait .... once more

Signed ~ Loneseal

Happy happy

2009-01-10T03:43:00.000-08:00

Ooo ... i felt so happy =)
Especially during the last 2 days of sch this week =D haha

Open house was so great =D ... At first , a thought that being a bus tour was such a bad idea , thought that i could have screwed up the whole thing . Turns out =) it felt great !! i met people i dunno and less than a few hrs , it felt we were like just friends swanning each other and having fun =) haha ..

Thou most were BE students and thou i maybe new to them, it was very comfortable to be with them =) .. sometimes i just wished i had that kind of friends in my course =x ... oh well .. hope to see them more often, haha more DUTYS =D more CAMPS =D

In scouts , offically going to the cadat scout troop, i know it odd why i choose such a choice but is personal.

Protein

2009-01-08T07:32:00.001-08:00

Dun look at it or u will go back to ur past ....

I feel depressed nowadays
I am losing out
It impossible to keep going ...

UNLESS ~
I need ~~~ MORE PROTEIN !!

I will be waiting when it is going to deliver, den till the exams are over .. is full training ><
CHONG AH !!

PS:i know it a bad thing to do but ... i really dun bother nowadays because when i see myself with no more self confidence ... i rather risk it and suffer later...

i feel like i wanna to emo now , but i got SP open house to do tomorrow again ,hope there is someone i know i can talk to tomorrow =D .. if not, i be start back from scratch .. zzz " hi , doing duty wif me ? XD " ... what a day sia.

Trying to be postive
Trying to be happy
Trying to enjoy life
Trying to throw the past away

but ....

LOL

2009-01-05T08:09:00.001-08:00

To believe it has ended .. yea WTF sia !!
Take it as my rotten luck that day ...

I hate ppl who are nice to u and turn out to say u behind ur back ...
seriously, never thought u just those kind of ppl who would do that.
Haiz i believe is just my luck la ... of all ppl is u .. zzz
next time i consider first before open a chat log wif ... zzz

hai , i wasted a post on u .. screw it man !!!

thou i feel insulted, i dunno y but i just feeling like laughing at u now ...
HAHAHAHAHAA

2009 ...

2008-12-31T18:10:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the yr of 2009 ... =x

Not in the mood of celebration ..
I see no future nor happiness in my coming year ...
I just wish if the clock can be turn back once more ...

I begin to reflect upon myself on what i did and achieve of the yr 2008 , it was suppose to be good number and yr for me. But now , as i looked at myself and think , was the year actually that great ?

Achievement in study : ? I just kept going down and down .. Studies were not met, teacher were disappointed, i could have achieve much better grade or wat so ever ...

Achievement in scouts : NIL .. so what i am a chairman or those very "good" venture .. nothing was done in my way and nothing was achieved the way i plan to ... was i really happy in ventures ?

Achievement in life : I felt that i am degrading in life ... i starting to hate myself alot, every single day i just feel low and useless . My heart starts to harden daily, even when i try to rescue myself, everything just have been in vain ... I start to lose trust, those who were close to me starting fading away, those who love me started hating me ,those who were trueful starting lying. Some just happily walk out of my life ... haha, now i feel that everything i believe in is so ironic... But, there nothing i can do anymore ... i am already at my wits, i guess that life right ?

2009 ? i dun wanna think abt the new year ... i just know tat i will keep living. There is no more aims , no more dreams nor hope, cos everytime i make one, the person up there just would'nt let me have it no matter how much i try and fight for it.

So, just keep living until he strike me one day, for i do not believe in him again. He cannot understand my thoughts and for that, no one can as well.

What can be better ?

2008-12-27T06:38:00.000-08:00

Things are starting to fall apart ...

ALL I JUST WANT SOME THINGS TO COME TRUE & OTHER THINGS COME TO AN END ..

Sigh ~

YESMAN

2008-12-26T08:20:00.000-08:00

YESMAN ! YESMAN !

Whoa .. finally a show that can put a happy smile on my face... =D

It was so funny, so happy , so romantic as well =x

Was watching it wif Sng .. Nick .. and Shao mei , haha .

Finally got a good chance to meet up thou not much has change.

Anyways, i just keep thinking and imagining one crazy thing that i feel like doing while watching the movie .. i dunno ~~~~ okie forget it , in my wanders of thoughts

Christmas Wish

2008-12-25T04:55:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas =>

Another good day for everyone to be happy =D

Never really thought christmas was different this year =x usually i be in overseas celebrating with the family ... but this years i spend the christmas time in SG but still with the family .. =P not much of a celebration, rather a good day for all to rest well..

Thou my very first christmas wish is almost impossible to come true =<
I hope maybe my second wish will =D

AND THAT IS ~~~~ AIM FOR THE PERFECT BODY ^^v

Data currently for 2008 :

Weight :66 Kg

Arm showing signs of improvement =>
Chest slight improvement =>
Lower body no change =<
legs ...dun really care ..

Dumbell Highest weight : 7.5 - 10 Kg
Bench-press weight : 26 - 30 Kg
Pull-ups : 4-6

Hope to aim further and heavier load =X
Loving the pain but very tired every trip in the gym ...

HAHA !! i know many people go for the running ..
i rather do the weghts baby !

Backswoodman ~~

2008-12-23T06:02:00.000-08:00

Never would have thought that it will be successful ...

It doesn't matter even the whole gang is there ..

It doesn't matter even it a weekday ...

It doesn't matter even no ones there to watch ..

All it matters its u learn , experience and enjoy .

Well Done ...

Success !!

2008-12-22T07:59:00.000-08:00

The day was the a SUCCESS !!!!

After 4-5 Days of long and boring works ... Designs are UP !!!!

Introducting .... HaRoLd's Aircraft =D

MEchanic teacher

2008-12-16T04:34:00.001-08:00

It has come to my attention that some teacher is abt to blacklist me =x ....

I have no regrets ..
Lots to say ... abt it here as i can express myself better ..

Yea , i ask ppl to sign my attendence and surprisingly you found out ...
If you ever ask me why i actually not to go to ur class .
Simple =) ...you really suck in teaching ...

So what you can speak 4 languages ... makes no difference , is not like you can understand the student very well. First impression is the most important to me, and when i first come to ur class , you overpowered the class just too much .. acting like some Secondary or JC sch teacher who can bark at students, what right do you have in the first place ? Poly is freedom those who wanna study will automatically come, those who dun wanna come , dun give the fuck !!

I even hate it when those who come late just by a min (i am one) still wants to learn and you just kick them out ?? Who wants to be late ?? I will be gladly to be there early provided you be there on time as well ...

Of all lesson , i'll only skip yours to do my external CCAs , reason is that i learn nothing at all, not one session i understand due to your outstanding english and complicated explaination , even my tutor teacher can educate me wif his half pass six language...

I know every lesson or rather each daily lesson cost about 2 meals .. but to be honest , i rather waste my money than waste both my money and my time ..

Yeah i know when i actually tell u this , you would give the fuck , you will still get ur dirty salary, all i know is that if i ever foward this module , i will not want a teacher like you to teach me the next sem ...

For now , i just endure your lesson as my CCAs come to stop and i dun have that mood swings anymore ... i will study hard for this module and show you that i dun need ur lessons for good grades ... I love mechanic 1 during my first yrs cos of the motivating teacher i had , now i hate mechanics 2 cos of you and ur lousy lectures ...

Done

2008-12-15T05:03:00.000-08:00

Finally .. FINALLY =D

When your alone at home ..wif nothing to do , all the sadness starting coming up .

But when i finally get to go out ... =P i just feel GREAT .. hahaha =D

Yea ... i'm nuts but no one will ever know the feeling when ur alone =x ...

Anyways =D fish tank done =D happy happy happy

Nutx

2008-12-14T02:14:00.000-08:00

The time passes really very slowly during the holidays...

During the pass few days while sick and suffering wif some ups and downs fever , i thought through my life. Has it been a fruitful year for me ? Have i changed ? Have i achieved something at all ? So many thoughts and memories went through me like it was a dream. Yes i am starting to emo already ....

Nowadays, it felt that i just live for no purpose , no reason at all . Day by day, i rot at home or in school ... it felt that there really no where else to go , nothing to enjoy , as if i had nothing to do ... What is worse ,i start to go insane in my mind every day when i grew bored ...

Scouting has really paid a good part in my life , it just give me things to do which i'll do and never get bored with it. It keeps me busy and aim for worthless but satisfying success. But end of the day, when everything is over , i am backed in the same spot ...

Sigh ... think i prefer to stop blogging abt it. Dun wanna make my life look like shit ....

SUPER

2008-12-07T06:26:00.000-08:00

Got this in the internet=) Enjoy :

You Might Be a Super Scouter If . . .

?? You own enough scouting mugs to supply the council office for a year.

?? You know at least ten different ways to lay out a cooking fire but don't know how to start your stove at home.

?? You can reduce the length of a fifty-foot long rope to ten feet by tying knots in it, and you don't have to repeat any.

?? You are asked to discuss a classic novel and you begin talking about old versions of the Scout Handbook.

?? You can frame a house with lashings.

?? You own so many patches you could make an entire fashion collection by sewing them together.

?? You are asked to name the three most influential figures in history, and you start with Baden Powell.

?? You have more palms than a small tropical island.

?? Your uniform is so encrusted with patches that it can stop 50 cal. shells.

?? You have so many merit badges that you have to but them on both sides of the sash.

?? Your patch collection takes up two rooms.

?? You have developed a tolerance to Philmont food.

?? You do all your cooking in a Dutch oven, even at home.

?? You never get lost in the forest, but you can't find your homeroom.

?? Your Fifty Miler patches stretch fifty miles when laid end to end.

?? You can prepare camp meals that are actually good, with no utensils.

?? Your Quality Unit patches extend from your shoulder to your socks.

?? You enjoy eating Pemmican bars (without the need of Tabasco sauce.)

?? Your adult scout uniform is green.

?? The moths don't even go near your red wool jacket.

?? You would rather sort your patches than go to dinner with your folks.

Sicked

2008-12-05T07:03:00.000-08:00

Sigh .. when the exam are over, i started to fall really sick ... =(
Had to even struggle for my last test , thank goodness i took the teacher advise and sat for the test =) cos the test was kinda easy ...

Oh well ! just hope i can get well soon and start enjoying the holidays soon =)

EXAMS EXAMS

2008-12-02T05:57:00.000-08:00

Exams really REALLY SUXs !!!

Today was the worst i been in my 1.5 yrs in poly ...

Go lab ... suddenly i found out not suppose to wear slippers .. =x teacher spotted me instantly wif the noise slipper sound ... order me out and i was like WTF !!! " Give chance la sir !! " Next thing i know is that i am running up the building and across SP just to find someone who can lend me shoes ... Ppl must have think i was mad running abt wif someone " oversize " shoe ... 20 mins of the test time was gone like that ... thank god it was only 3 question that i need to do ...

Thanks to the guy who lend me .. i even left my wallet wif him .. so careless ~ FATED LA , everytime put cards in the wallet to bring in exam and it always turns out that i will leave it somewhere else .. dammit.

But the next test was really a screw up one ... Fail so badly , i think i wasn't in the mood to even do .. 40 MCQ ! who level taking at the same time ... Teacher even look at me saying " u got study anot boy ? ( Yea i did study ur test in NPC ... ) Cock up some reason so he can least know that i'm a "good" guy and just not so lucky this time ... Swear that i will never skip ur class again .. i wanna get my remaining 80% score .. =(

-_- lll .My life really suxs now , i need a boast like can someone pls slap me and wake me up ...
But on the other hand .. i really needa break , i really never had a proper holiday during the last sem .. I just need some quiet time ... I wanna go fishing ~ to relax my mind and think through once more .... argh !!

END THE MID SEM ALRDY !!!

ps: Harold has gone nut due to studies, pls spare a thought for him and let him copy during the test ... Thank you !!

i am fine

2008-11-30T06:06:00.000-08:00

Congrat to the NPC team of all 3 schs ...
I am just glad we made it through this yrs ..
Now for the next week is my exams which i really dread =x

Sigh ... So tired , but i have no other choice but to just open my eyes to study now ..
having alot of thoughts now .. esp personal and family wise ... zzz

Anyway , i just like to take back this sentence on the previous post .. "even her friends are ignoring me ." i felt much better and different after NPC camp .. i'm just a guy who thinks too much only =) that all .. i feel that is really stupid for me to even say that line ... but never the least , i will admit it if i feel that wat i said was wrong. ... ( haha , i know u dun get wat i am trying to say , but u get the idea =x)

off for the gruesome night of mechanics ...

Shok !!!

2008-11-26T05:26:00.000-08:00

Yup , i think i travelled really alot today =x

Morning so sch .. den rush to fajar to pass some things .
See see look look den off to school again ...
After that , when to find cloth for the gss npc team .. =x

Timing for the bus to brake down was so not perfect ... 2nd time of the month ... hai , imagine getting a car will be better off ...

Worst was on the way home .. when i was about to board off , the bus jerk and i fell on to a fat lady sitting down =x , lucky it wasn't the other way round ... DUN BLAME ME BITCH, ASK THE FUCKING UNCLE HOW HE DRIVE HIS BUS AND ASK SBS WHY MUST SOME BUSES BE SINGLE COMPARTMENT WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY PPL BOARDING IT !!!

Yea, ran here and there .. but never the least i still feel okay without complaining .. maybe i thought i'm just trying to do something to keep myself busy and not to think so much ... hmm true ba . haha , wadever it is ... i wanna be happy from now ..

Wish those going in the campsite today and tomorrow good and safe journey ...

I was so foolish ...
i knew my heart will weave when i see those email we send while i was away , the argument , the lovenes in some .. and finally the heartbreaking letter to end it ( i still feel that this is not sincer for u to email me rather that iron it out or tell me but is too late )... Now after seeing it by accident , or rather my itchy finger ... i just wanna punch something hard to ease my pain .. I dunno why am i so easy to become emotional and have this heartbreaking feeling..

Now when u avoid me , i try to act as if nothing affects me .. turns out i'm still look for a reply or a sms from u every morning .. =( Can anyone be more stubborn and more lovesick than me ? Can i even move on for better ones .18 modules i still remember , but am i still eligible for them ? or will there really be a chance for me to retake ur exams . T_T

Dream about it alot, and i dunno why sometimes even dream fufil my wishes but with only 5 to 6 hrs of dream is't enough for me to enjoy the "imaginary u " . I just want the reality one again .. i will trade and give anything i have just to get it ... ( yea , i am that crazy )

"i forgive easily " , " Is easy to hoax me than any other women, trust me " this were ur words .. but i tell u , ur are by far the hardest woman in my life to get back ... and really bring a shame to me for i cannot even obtain the gal i love who is easily hoax to be wif me ?

Friends or strangers ? i am really confuse for all these time .. But if u happen to see this post , i hope ur not offending for exposing these , cos is just my thoughts .. my sad thoughts

Last min NPC

2008-11-25T04:27:00.000-08:00

Pushing hard !!!

Another day was sacrafice for them* but again , i never regret what i lose each day. Dustbin had finally become smaller and my little entertainment gadget is finally confirm =D ... All i pray is that they boys will actually do what i see in my mind ... thou i was suppose to be in sch studying , i really felt that there a need of my presense for today and tomorrow ... to be there for them unlike the past when no one was around for me =x ...

GY was almost in the panic mood alrdy... even drove to Bishan to get the boys stuff and we only ate lunch at 4.30p.m ?? Hai, this is really a scouter that loves his boys so much that his willing to go down into the same level wif them ... pei fu ~

Oh well , now is time to make up for my lose of time .. STUDY HARD MAN !! Tomorrow will be the heck day for everyone ... and again .. lesson skipping seems to be a habit ... crap , gonna study once this shit is over ..

CATIA

2008-11-24T01:19:00.000-08:00

ARGH Fucking CATIA !!!
i am totally screwed for my test -.-
All i hope now is that SP com lab will be burn by tomorrow so we have to the test again .

I have become so dumb , too confident i guess ...
But this is not cos of scouts for sure ... ~ but me =x
Thou this test was suppose to be an easy task for me... i totally spoiled it =(

An hr before the test where everyone was last min preparing and redoing the past yrs test paper .. i sat at my com happily surfing the net playing games .. even draw a word FUCK out in the program to test test =x dumb la ..

Next teacher comes in and start the test .. i felt today wasn't even my day >.<
Cannot log in , the person have to come down and restart the com just for me !!
SWAY !! Starting doing and doing .. till end of test where i suppose to save 2 files , i found that i saved an extra file .. so common sense will tell u to delete the extra file ..

Turns out that the file is link to another and next thing i know i lost both files =x FUCK !! at the last 5 mins this shit happen to me ... ARGH !!

Just hope it turns out well .. Now i really gonna study hard ...
Fucking piss over my stupid action and luck
Why can't i have a easier life for myself .. ~
Sigh ...

P.s : Going NPC in the Friday morning , anyone going as well ?

Feel Fine now

2008-11-23T05:16:00.000-08:00

Tough times ~ but little did i know that i got ppl who will always stand by me =)

Anyways , i done wif my "BIG SIZE" dustbin and shoerack !!! Now left wif that entertainment game that is gonna take time and money to build =( argh !! But hell, i will spend my time and money if i have to ... even if the teacher frowns at me for the stupid idea , i still do it...

Left the boys to motivate ... thou i never achieve a silver for NPC before , i hope i can least lending my help and my ideas for them to obtain more than just a silver =D ...

No regrets now ~ just move on ...
No time to lose , all i want is to achieve my aim =)

Nights

AIMS

2008-11-20T04:36:00.000-08:00

WOO HA !!

I decided to make some choice in my life now =)
Firstly, i guess is really time to find that happy harold who loves to be alone ... Letting the bygones be begones ... if nothing works out , i think is better to forget all ... Just look to the future ba ~ if really there is fate , den so it be .. =D haha !!

Looking at my life which had ups and down ... i just got feedup with it . Time to adjust it to the way it was before ..

Ok .. Things to do :

PERSONAL:

Redo my fish tank once more <3
Move and change my room style PLUS clean up
Dump all the useless books and other stuff ..
Pass my BTT by dec
Find a flying school to register for flying during the march sch holiday ( Pray if it is possible)
Aim for the NYAA 2009 GOLD
Fix my F-15 =D

SCOUTING:

Get over and do the best for Fajar NPC team ..
Achieve the ventures standard for all yrs 1 ASAP
Plan the night exploration
Do my fun backswoodman ( NPC STYLE ) once more.
Become a carefree rover and from there i shall consider what to do ~~~

STUDIES:

=x JUST FUCKING STUDING HARD AND PULL UP UR GOD DAM FUCK UP GRADES !!
3.8

yeah !! These will be my aims =)

Will not go rotting awat anymore , i am a man of use and i shall put myself to good use ~ ^^V

Sucky

2008-11-19T07:32:00.000-08:00

Sigh ... even as friend , things just feel different ..

I cannot help but to notice the change of my own peers ..

Or am i just thinking too much ?

I dunno ...

just so much thoughts that things will change next yr ..

especially u*

I really suck in moving on alot ..

Pls god , help me forget these memories and start me anew ...

All i want is happiness inside me ...

Sigh ... dun wanna talk abt it anymore.

I hope that every night when i sleep, i will start to forget more and more of this painful memories ... sigh !

Reflections

2008-11-18T06:05:00.000-08:00

Think is time for me to really reflection what am i doing for the past few weeks ...

While in scouts today, i wanted to get an excuse letter from the fajar teacher just to skip some lesson and yea ... u know the rest , but seriously i believe i will not have enough time to complete what i am assigned to do ...

Surprisingly, what i get from him was a serious talk , he says that are u sure that u are willing to sacrafice your studies cos of these ... haha , i was stunned and really unable to talk back cos i know straight that i lose out if i even argue ...

Yea , i get that alot from ppl who even ask me why even go scouts when they bring you no profit , no gain ... nothing ... Not justs friends , parents , lucky they accept me for what i choose. =) ...

Anyway , to be honest , i dunno why i am like this ... random ?? maybe when the mood is there for me to do things i want .. i know how important that studies , especially when in poly is the point where it decided you future career and so on ... but at times, when i feel that i dun want to do these , i really cannot do it even if i force myself to it .

Plus , i know i say that i hate NPC to the core .. but still, seeing the boys and scouters trying hard themselves just to win some award , i think that i should too put up my best ... there's no gain, just pride .. maybe another reason is that i wanna redeem myself , conquring this event will be a blast ... =) haha, i am just happy that some of my ex-scouts friends from fajar are back to help out , really glad abt it .

So no more winding , i do my best for the last few day in training.

I so stubborn ...

2008-11-17T05:00:00.000-08:00

Hai, Looks like the link is done .. Notice most of them are scouts ... hahah =Z

Majority of my friends are just to dam busy to do things such as blogging ( partially they are guys too ) haha , so mainly is my scout friend that i can only link too =x .. Not so friendly to the internet work ba ... Was even wandering should i start to open my blog to others now ? i dunno ... sigh , just wait for the time is right again ba ... haha

Okie .. back to daily life , i think i finally started studying =D .. lame but to me ~ My mind is getting more and more automatic to pick books and notes to start reading. O.o .. haha .Finally, is time to catch up wif my work before the mid-term test ... Lots of test coming and i am not ready to drop my grades any lower ..

Still missing , but trying hard to forget ... just glad ur happy once more ... hahahaha =)

I change to the worst ??

2008-11-16T07:32:00.000-08:00

This whole week wasn't my day i guess.
The mood of mine just turn ugly ... and i dunno what has happen to me ..

I started to see myself getting hot tempered .. being a fucker at times .. dun give the fuck to important stuff , have even touch any book to keep my life going as normal .. Nothing to do wif relationship .. really .

Is just the mood. I need to keep myself under control ..i am losing my touch, I NEED TO WAKE THE FUCK UP !!

These days wasn't great .. i notice i skip classes cos of scouts , but i felt that these classes really isn't much help to me especially lecturers that are big fuckers. ... but if i dun listen , i go home do nothing but rot my time ... even if i try to start , my com is so near and my PSP is always at my side to just start playing =X ...

I think i end the day here ... i just glad is over for the week , i can finally start all over again .. Till den =)

I'm missing someone so badly ,but i guess is wrong for me to do so ...

Reflection

2008-11-12T05:45:00.000-08:00

These days , i been in alot of daze ...

I dunno why but that little boy scout of me is coming back ... Thou i am just posted to fajar for a while only ... or rather send helping out . I saw alot of things that bring about alot of feelings once more ... It felt like you saw your own reflection ...

Maybe is the pioneering

Maybe is the competition

Maybe is the Scout themselve ..

Yea, your right .. i ought to act differently now, i'm not one of them ... i am me =)

LOVED

2008-11-10T06:59:00.000-08:00

For the First time ... i am happy to talk to u .

My heart feels just so happy
HAPPY
HAPPY
HAPPY
HAPPY

YES !!
i will wait for u
I take your test paper ... in days to come

Tired : i was contented

2008-11-09T06:41:00.000-08:00

Went down ZSS today just to see see look look , talk to ppl and go off ... haha

Guess i wasn't so heck up after all, the boys were having the fun while doing this job, i see the happiness even thou it was a chore , they still can find life in doing it. The bond is really very strong ... i am amazed an envious of them all = x ..

Went photograhy wif duck , learn a lot ... really show me some new ways of taking photoshot .. I hope can do well and improve me skill wif this sucky camera of mine =x , or maybe this sucky hands of mine ... haha

I dunno whether u saw me, but having a glance at you from a far , i am contented ... I left the place with a little happiness in my heart after that . Still thinking of ways to woo~ u back,everyone supports me .But utimately, is just me and you ... sigh ...

ILYA baby ~

Sleep ~~~~

Cool off period ...

2008-11-08T07:11:00.000-08:00

Hai .. another heck day in ventures ... or rather in life...

NPC , NPC , NPC , NPC , NPC ... i will forever hate this word , this event . For the years in scouting, i hated the camp to the very core. To many ppl, it bring challenges ,gives a chance for many boy scout to shine to their very top .

To me , it a killer, other then sec 1 when i was a happy scout, i will always lose something or someone great and memorial whether i part or indirectly part of the time. Every time i really look at those big structures and think that am i really that uncapable to making out this kind of stuff , even as an SPL in gss i cannot make it happen , what about rover in the coming future .

Today, i see how bad it can be , especially when it is last minute. Is really a FUCK UP thing in my life.

Not to mention that today , talking to *you* really make me emo especially when u nearly raise you voice , i dunno why. All i want is that bubbly feeling back as friends , can it be so difficult ? I dun mean to put the phone down on u like that, i really cannot bear to hear you talking to me with that tone. I really dunno how to face you after this thing is over...

Parry say is a cool off period and i everytime depend on his words to give me the courage and confidence to stand up one day , trying to make u happy with me once more is the hardest thing in my life. And if it success , i can be the most happy guy i can be. But for now, is really unbearable to even talk to u without showing signs of the feeling of us together.

I know i tell myself that i can live without you, but i guess no matter how much pain i divert , how much work i pile myself with, i can never forget the feeling inside me even when i wish to. All i ask is just good friend first and we can always carry on from there ~~

imuvm....

End of another day

Life

2008-11-07T07:32:00.000-08:00

My Skill still ok ? for Shooting ? Been taking a few days .. Loving the feeling of being alone and doing this kinda stuff...

Today spells the last day of sch in this week. =) Who cannot be any happier..

Been going out and really pushing myself lately , i dunno why , i guess is a good way to divert pain into muscles =D . No that i dying for it but really keeps me healthy lately . I gave up the temptation for coke , fastfood finally . Now all i left is the western food in the hawker centre . I dun wanna live like those days anymore =) . Haha

Well , my mind has been really calm thou i still think abit about it, but i just dun wanna see or talk abt it . That why the feeling goes away quicker .. I think i almost fine to say i can smile now. Is that i wanna be so quick , but i rather make myself happy den hurt myself => right ?

Thou is not all truth . But if life is so cruel , i have to find a remedy or a lie for myself to carry on living...

GTG Cya

Is it pain ?

2008-11-06T05:49:00.000-08:00

I dunno ?
I dunno why am i thinking of u so much , even during class , even when studying ..
I dunno WHY THE FUCK am i so emotional over this kind of things ...
Now cos of all this shit , i dunno why i cannot stop falling sick ...
This really kills me alot . I just wanna lock my emotions down RIGHT NOW ~!!!

I just sux when it comes to forgeting someone you love ...
Why i cannot be like you who can easily start a new life ...
Fuck myself man !!!

There is just alot of questions in my mind :

Am i really that lousy as a boyfriend ?
Why you wanna do this to me ?
Will there be another chance ?
Why did it come into like this ?

So much question and i dunno whether these deserve to be answered anot .

You tell me to look at your inner self , i kept looking at the messages we send and look at everywhere i can try understand . But i dunno if there is really an inner self of yours anot and i dun wanna know anymore ... If is so hard to tell me den yea silence is the best answer. I dun wanna know the answers i ask , i cannot face it , i rather live with doubt ...

Pray i can get better myself ~ Have enough of these shit. I rather be a robort nowadays.

My 1st, a sad one ...

2008-11-05T04:01:00.000-08:00

Finally created a new blog ... i finally have the will the move on with my life , thou is boring but is gonna be hard to get by ...

My previous one was actually the most beatiful blog i had , the first in fact, hold my memories of my life in Year 1 and part of Year 2 ... My life in SYFC , in venture and finally to post pictures with someone that was so special in my heart.

Sadly all this has changed, maybe cos of her, maybe is cos of me ... i dunno, i am dying for answers for so long but doubt any of them will be answered , but i guess life's like that. I am tired of loving , so i stop for awhile ... my heart and mind needs to heal. It has a happy side of having someone special , but when it comes to the end ... hai .

Thou my mind is still telling me to try again, my heart know that is too late and is over ..

Hai , forget it ... I just wanna smile again .
i wanna be independent.
i wanna be someone i dream to be again.
& i just pray that it will happen ...